I began my journey cleansing space during my late 20’s when I was feeling hopeless in people. This came at a time that I had ended my 10-year relationship and a two year relationship. I had never experienced violence in a relationship until I dated Joe Silva who was the first individual to be of the same cultural background. To be honest with you, I had avoided dating Portuguese men due to having concerns of getting involved in physical and verbal abuse. I grew up in a home that, unfortunately had a lot of violence. I believe this would be a good opportunity to give a bit of background to the Portuguese culture , in how I see it and experienced it.
In the Portuguese culture, women are expected to put their families first before their own needs. Women in Portugal were known to be domesticated and not provided with education up till the 70’s and shortly after all had access to education and many skills changed. Now is you were wealthy, well you would have very different opportunities. What is a very common Portuguese home; it is a patriarchal, men have a greater presence in having freedom outside of the home, men having the last word when it came to “ important decision”, men’s entitlement to having the house clean and tidy without contributing to this, and men’s behaviour being excused by hard work or alcohol… as I have seen with growing up as. Portuguese women within my home, from others and at times my own significant partner today. In Portugal you do not have the support of police that would get involved so that follows with families to the emigrated country which causes some friction. Also the crime of domestic violence was introduced into the Portuguese penal code in 2007. Portugal was the first European Union country to ratify and bring in prevention and combating violence against women and domestic violence. In Canada we have received domestic violence as a chargeable offence in 1983, imagine how much women have endured around physical, verbal and sexual abuse. We still have a long way to go. This to share a bit of this journey in embracing the cleansing of space.
I at the age of 25 yrs old and living on my own at the age of 21 years old, I left home a few times but at 21 years old I embraced on the journey of taking care of myself. I became single and stayed that way for 7 years and embraced the art of creating smoke-bundles, incense and clearing out negativity whenever I had the chance. As this was not seen as a positive practise at that time so i did this on my own time. I had so much going on and did not really concentrate on my traumas or emotions but they were there. I struggled with abandonment, sadness and anger. It was not a time that you would really speak of these emotions in the way we break it down today. Often, we were told do not live in the past, you gotta keep going and stop crying. All of those years as young women we escaped through dancing, drinking and always with friends. Many positive moments and much fun.
My own spiritual struggle and finding internal healing with my past, traumas and finding what it was to be a woman was a complicated one. I worked most of my life helping young women in hopes that they could mange this life journey with some genuine love.
Family is complicated for young adults, especially women as not enough love is given and the expectations are so high with a lack of guidance. Often times not remembering those shoes that we all wear at some point, how it felt and allowing room for error but with guidance along the way. There is no course in parenting so that is always a complicated journey. I always found comfort by the water and in the night as I found solitude within my own thoughts. I journaled, read, and loved writing. I always loved being in the presence of the moon, and quietly would burn my Palo Santo wood, I would find it in the NEW AGE shops until once at 28 years old I entered this indigenous community centre on Queen street and an elder just came up to me and asked if I had wanted some spiritual items. I received incense, sage & a Palo Santo stick. We had a beautiful conversation on religion and spirituality. He was such a kind soul with so much light and it was my first time in having a conversation with a male that actually listened to me and my opinions, it was so refreshing and I carried that within my heart. My life journey has been a complicated one, and I cry often in thought but I also carry lots of love in my heart.
I have learned this is my story to carry and have acknowledged all that I am grateful for, forgiven, and have almost let go of all the shame & guilt I carried from a child all through till today. I have never been able to embrace therapy, it does not work for me and actually annoys me, funny enough of the field I am in. I do the work from a very different lense that many seem to not quite get. I have never had someone understand, or found them genuine. I have done the work myself which takes longer and you are forever exploring. I will say the last 4 years of travelling into the internal witch is what has truly allowed me to heal through embracing my journey with gardening and creating magick. This resonates with my soul & spirit in ways I cannot even begin to put into words. When I create a spell jar it releases my pain and fills me with joy in such a holistic fashion. Creating packages for those who purchase from my shop gives me so much excitement as I have a letter to write, creations to fill and sharing with others is what I love to be engaged in. This is in such a positive light, I actually hardly make any profit as I did not create the shop for that purpose. It was to impact the lives of those who purchased a package that they received a spiritual package that offered them some hope.
My shop is my hobby and it for the most part covers the cost and any profit I donate it. I have my career so I am grateful for all the opportunities i already have. My smoke-bundles I love to create as I use the moon-phases, I use my garden and I gather my herbs as they call out to me and that is how I create each smoke bundle. I cleanse each of them and spend a huge amount of time with them in nature as i need the smoke-bundles to absorb the earths magic as my own. I have not created any lately, and will begin that magic again this month but I need to feel what calls to me and it’s meaning will be for these next few months. I cleanse every night and use many different types of tools. I will use incense, resin incense, smoke-bundles, palo santo and floral magic. I love to use my cauldron outdoors and under a full-moon, I tend to stay up late as I need to be in solitude when I create my own manifestations and mantras. I am a person who needs a lot of alone time, need to be in nature and internal solitude. Though, for many years till into my 40’s I was surrounded by people, I was escaping with noise.
I have been trying to balance as I have been a lot more isolated and in solitude and do want to reconnect with some of my very good friends in laughter, bonding and travel. Many had children and were occupied in that life as I was not able to have any. I wrote a blog on that journey which created much of my solitude. I have healed that journey, I still cry and miss that opportunity but it does not steal my life.
My journey as a witch healed my spirit and soul. It also brought me back to embracing my own spirituality and creating a beautiful ritual that helps me get through difficult moments. I hope that you are able to find what balances you, heals you but most important that allows you to feel happiness as that is the goal in this messy world.
“ Today I seek to always find the answers in me and allowing them to com forth at the perfect time. I am grateful for being able to create a ritual that allows my thoughts to settle, to embrace grounding and gratitude. “ Bless Be
With Love,
Journey with Spirit
JourneywithSpirit: Hearth & Home is where the heart begins to heal 